The Many Faces of Facebook
by Rosemary Rains-Crawford
My sister calls it “Fakebook”. I can see why as I page through my “friends”
and try to categorize them. Oh my, I
don’t even know some of these people.
What happened here? Oh, that must
be that person I played a game of Scrabble with one day. Or, maybe it’s someone from an author
forum? So just for fun, here is my
synopsis of friends on Facebook (in no particular order).
Although I am listing main categories, some people cross from one to
another frequently and I’m not sure where I fall on the spectrum.
- Family. We all have family members and some we
have learned a lot about since the advent of Facebook. Sometimes way too much. Distant and shirttail relatives start to
become more familiar as we follow their posts. It really is a great way to keep up with
family with photos and notes. If
not for family, I surely would have given up Facebook many moons ago.
- Exhibitionists. You can expect to see at least one new
sexy picture every week from these people.
Some of the pictures look like they might have been taken many
years ago, but who’s judging?
- Braggarts. “My child is an honor student at….” “I just won {something} of the
year” “Damn, I’m good.”
- Crusaders. These people hold rigid beliefs in
something. It might be religion, it
might be guns, it might be anti-guns, it might be a political party, it
might be atheism, or Buddhism, purity in food, etc. If it is possible to convert the masses
with posts from their favorite cause, they are on it.
- Dead
people. Oh, I know, I should delete
people that have the audacity to die, but it seems so final and like such
an act of abandonment. Besides, no
one is ever dead to Facebook. That
record will remain until we are all buried and turned to dust, so why
should I remove them from my list?
- Animals. Oh my, how did this happen? I have a mule, two dogs, and a hamster
that somehow wormed their way onto my friend list. Oh, and one of the dogs is also a Number
5, above.
- Imaginary
people. Yes, I do have one of those
as a friend. It is kind of an
inside joke, but Olga just doesn’t fit into any other category.
- Whiners. Letting us all know how they are
suffering through a bad job, a bad marriage, a bad relationship, etc.
- Do
Gooders. Urgent requests to help
cancer victims, find children who have run away, notify people of
kidnapped or lost children, sexual predators moving into an area, etc.
- Guilt
Trippers. If you don’t share their
post, you don’t care about your (son, daughter, mother, father, sister,
friend, Jesus, etc.)
- Entrepreneurs. People trying to sell you
something. No explanation needed
here.
- Ghosts. These are people who had a Facebook
account set up by a well-meaning friend, relative or colleague. I am responsible for at least one ghost. My husband had an annoying habit of
looking over my shoulder as I played Scrabble, offering suggestions,
etc. So I set him up with his own
Facebook account to play his own Scrabble games, which completely cured
him of Facebook and Scrabble both.
- Comedians. Passing on the very latest in jokes,
cartoons, and pithy sayings. I
personally enjoy a good laugh, so appreciate having a minute of mirth as I
scan the latest on the Facebook timeline.
- Philosophers. Like comedians but with a more serious
purpose.
- Game
Players. Oh, so interesting to know
that {someone} had a rush on Candy Crush, or won a $50,000 hand in Texas
Hold ‘Em. I play Scrabble and Words
with Friends, but I try to always remove the “Post” (default) option after
every move. It’s easy to miss, so
for anyone who was notified of a “Bingo” I got in Scrabble, I
apologize.
- Lurkers.
They’re there, but it’s easy to forget that. They never post anything. They just watch what everyone else posts
and form opinions that can’t be reciprocated.
- Stalkers. Keeping track of people
anonymously. Watching their every
move, looking for an opening.
- Gossip Mongers. Like stalkers and lurkers
but with a specific goal – find the interesting tidbits on mutual
acquaintances so they can be first to pass on the “news”.
- Spies. These are the worst. They report on every post or “like” to the paranoids that don’t have their own account. Often out of context, their goal is to create angst outside of Facebook.
I’m sure there are other prototypes. But one thing is certain: If you have a “friend” on Facebook, even if
you never knew them before, over time, a portrait of them emerges for you and
one of you emerges for them. Random
likes and posts really do start forming into a picture, so be careful
out there!
